Before & after: Real manufacturer rewrites
See how specific changes dropped Commodity Scores from 80+ to under 30. These are real examples (anonymized) from manufacturers like you.
Precision machining
Before
Score: 78“Your trusted partner for quality machined parts”
Issues detected:
- trusted partner
- quality
- generic industry reference
After
Score: 23“±0.0001" tolerance on every part. Verified by CMM before it ships.”
What improved:
- Specific tolerance claim
- Quality verification process
- Differentiating capability
Industrial packaging
Before
Score: 82“Innovative packaging solutions for your business needs”
Issues detected:
- innovative
- solutions
- business needs
- no specificity
After
Score: 31“Cut shipping damage 60% with our 3-layer corrugated system”
What improved:
- Quantified benefit
- Specific product feature
- Clear value proposition
Custom fabrication
Before
Score: 85“Industry-leading metal fabrication with exceptional service”
Issues detected:
- industry-leading
- exceptional service
- no proof points
After
Score: 19“48-hour turnaround on custom steel work. 97% on-time delivery since 2018.”
What improved:
- Specific turnaround time
- Track record with dates
- Verifiable claim
Food processing equipment
Before
Score: 89“Comprehensive food processing solutions from a trusted leader”
Issues detected:
- comprehensive
- solutions
- trusted leader
- no differentiation
After
Score: 15“The only conveyors rated for -40°F frozen food lines. Ask Tyson.”
What improved:
- Unique capability
- Specific use case
- Social proof reference
The pattern is clear
Commodity messaging
- • Vague quality claims
- • Unproven leadership status
- • Generic partnership language
- • Empty innovation buzzwords
- • No specifics, no proof
Differentiated messaging
- • Specific numbers and tolerances
- • Verifiable track records
- • Named clients or references
- • Unique capabilities
- • Clear, concrete benefits
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